Lucky to be a mom

The other day, I was talking to an online friend through a game that Todd and I play. She's about 10 years older than we are and she is divorced and has no children. She has mentioned before that she doesn't wish to ever have children because she doesn't feel like she would not be a good mother. I can respect that. I have a few friends who have said they are just not the kid type and would rather not have children in their lives. I can completely understand, and while I think they are missing out, I can respect their stance. Especially when there are so many people out there who are not kid people and are having children anyway. Not a good environment for a kid. Anyway, we were talking, mostly about the game, and Todd and I mentioned something about having kids. I'm not sure how it was said, but she said "I'm so lucky." And I immediately retorted with "Oh, I don't think so." She went on to explain that she just wasn't good with kids, and I basically just let the conversation drop. I have no idea if it's my preggo hormones, or if it's my Leo nature, or just my motherly instinct to protect my children, but I was offended. Not completely, but enough to write a blog about how lucky I think I am. 

I do think, on some level, that people without children are lucky. They don't have to deal with raising a child. It is by far, the hardest job in the world. They have less responsibility on some levels. They definately have more freedom. I can't tell you the last time I went out with friends and didn't have to think about who was going to be watching my daughter. I can't tell you the last time I went out, actually. So, on that level, I can certainly be envious of someone with the time and freedom to live their own life, and not live the life of their children as well.

But I could never really think of myself as unlucky. Or that those without children are luckier than I am. Being a mom, as hard as it can be sometimes, is by far the most wonderful thing I have ever done in my life. It is challenging, enlightening, exhilerating, and fantastic. The moment I gave birth to my daughter, I became a changed woman. My heart, my life, my mind has changed in so many wonderful ways. I am a completely different person. My life is full now. And she's so little. But, her smile, her laugh, her wit, her imagination, her very being has changed me down to my core. My life is full of so many joyous moments that she surrounds me with. I have never laughed so hard, never cried so hard, never thought as deeply, and never loved as much before she was in my life. I can't even remember my life without her. I don't want to. She IS my life. And now I'm adding another little girl to my life. And I couldn't be more excited. I can't wait to meet the other tiny little being who will change my life all over again.

So, am I lucky? A thousand times yes. And for those who think I'm sugar coating being a mom, I'm not. Yes, it's hard. Yes, I have moments where I just want to hide and not have any pressures and I wish to be free from responsibility. It can be frustrating and agonizing. But, it wouldn't be if I didn't love her so much. The good far far outweighs those trying times. I'm lucky. I'm lucky to be given a gift from God. I get to be the one to raise these beautiful little girls. I pray for those who want to be lucky, who have not been able to have children. I want them to be able to experience this. And I pray for those who don't want to. I hope they will find as much love and happiness without them. But, don't ever think of me as unlucky to have the burden of children. Because, in my opinion, I am the luckiest woman in the world.